Children on social media

“Children on social media” may conjure a few different things: young teens populating TikTok trending ranks with their quirky dance moves, or pre-teens clicking “Agree” to social media websites’ terms of service even though they are under 13 years old and technically not allowed to have an account. And then, there are the babies – innocently drooling on their onesies or just enjoying their time on the playground, but somehow showing up repeatedly on their parents’ or family members’ social media profiles. Now, people seem to have lots of qualms about dancing TikTok-ers and their rise to fame, or worry sick about the dangers young kids put themselves in by being on social media at their own will. Yet, when very young children, even toddlers, appear all over their parents’ social media pages, which are in many cases publicly accessible, not many adults, including family members, seem to feel bothered by the implications.

I have to say I’m rather troubled by the way these parents confuse “public adoration” with things that are potentially far more risky, harmful, or somewhat disrespectful towards their own children. And I sometimes wonder if I am alone in my vexation about these “children on social media”. Aren’t parents supposed to be the first to rush to the defense of their own offsprings? When parents and family members are the ones instigating the public sharing of children on social media, who is left to be there for the kids? And what does this whole practice say about society? I am not a parent nor do I personally have any experience being in charge of taking care of children, but I don’t think my concern for this “norm” of social media sharing requires a parental backbone to be valid. Also, I don’t mean to personally attack any parents or grandparents who currently have their kids on display on the Internet. I believe all of us do agree that plastering young kids’ photos and information on the web feels at least a little wrong, but perhaps it’s become so “normal” now that it surely isn’t so bad, right? And that’s exactly why I’m writing this: I’m mainly concerned with how we as a society increasingly treat this behavior as a norm, and how ultimately very few people will find it particularly uncomfortable.

We live in a world where social media has become an entrenched and ubiquitous feature of our daily lives. It enables us to connect with friends and family, stay up-to-date on current events, and even market ourselves socially or professionally. With that, we have also grown shockingly comfortable with putting things online for friends-that-are-barely-friends and strangers to view, almost in real-time. As we enthusiastically share photos and personal information on the web, we continue to blur the line between public and private, which used to be a lot more distinct. Somehow I cannot imagine this level of ease and comfort associated with the broadcasting of one’s own life in the past. Prior to the 21st century, public attention was reserved only for people and events that were truly outstanding, while most ordinary citizens avoided unwarranted scrutiny as much as possible. Now, society is pushing the boundaries of what can be deemed suitable for public viewing and consumption, and almost all of us partake in this self-broadcasting simply because we’ve been granted the tool.

So, are our own children becoming part of a gradually expanding list of contents we have no issue with putting in strangers’ sight? I have seen, among my friends and people I personally know, parents that choose to create a whole profile dedicated exclusively to their child. And strangely enough, even toddlers and newborns are not safe from this. Look, I get it. Kids are adorable. They are mini humans with chubby cheeks and lovable expressions, dressed in cute clothing and occasionally doing funny, amusing gestures. But the thing is, they most likely do not grasp the implications of their pictures circulating online and reaching an audience they are not acquainted with or even aware of. And to the very little ones, the Internet as a thing is completely non-existent. They hardly know of the concept of social media, let alone consent to their pictures being spread on such platforms.

I understand that everyone is entitled to however they want to handle the matters of their own family, especially when it comes to something supposedly “free” like social media presence and expression. What I want for every parent out there to realize is that, in the act of putting images and information of ourselves and our children out there, we are essentially building a digital footprint that may be incredibly difficult to erase. With the dizzyingly fast pace of digital technology development, we are already floundering to catch up with even the promising benefits of these innovations, which means we certainly have a long way to go to realize the hidden downsides that have yet been recognized widely.

For now, it’s pretty evident that once things emerge on social media, they are out there for the world to see and can potentially be accessed by a range of people for any purpose. Think your friendly online buddies would never exploit the contents you shared of your children? Perhaps not, but could we say the same about complete strangers who have access to the same photos, or the companies that make money off of the things you put on social media? Not only is this “footprint” a potential source of embarrassment and a blatant invasion of privacy down the road for your kids, once they are fully aware of the years-worth of photos and footage posted without consent, it could in very unfortunate circumstances be voluntary exposure of children to the dangerous intentions of criminals. So perhaps we could all think twice before sharing those geo-tagged photos of kids along with a barrage of embarrassing snaps.

In addition to the potential risks and violations associated with sharing children’s contents on social media, we should also consider the message we are sending them, either inadvertently or intentionally. By exposing our kids to the social media machine and the psychological circus associated with it, are we telling them that their value is essentially based on their appearance or ability to perform for the camera, and on how many people like and react to their photos? I get that lots of people use social media to keep memories and share them with friends, but subjecting children’s memories and experiences to the viewing and evaluation of others is not a particularly harmless practice for the kids’ mental health. Especially when social media are designed to elicit users’ desire for social validation through counts of likes, reactions, followers, and subscribers, exposing our kids to this machine is basically forcing social comparisons and metric-driven self-worth down their throat. Even from an early age, children may already be conditioned to adopt the messed-up ideas around social media usage if we continuously put them on public display on these websites.

The obsession with curating the “perfect” image of ourselves and our lives for the sake of social superiority will perhaps turn our innocent children into anxious, narcissistic, competitive, and inauthentic individuals with low self-esteem. And let’s not ignore the pressure we put on them by curating and filtering their social media presence from a young age. With the photos and contents we put out there, we also set expectations for children – expectations for their looks, behaviors, personality, and achievements. We create a narrative about who they are and what they ought to be to earn social approval. Before we realize it, we’re robbing these kids of their freedom to just grow up and be their own person. The pressure to fit into a box drawn by their parents now also comes under the watchful eyes of strangers and the barely-friends-of-family. So our innocuous adoration for kids conveyed through our public sharing of their contents may turn into implicit messages that grow into overwhelming pressure for them later on. As parents and society, we ought to consider the impact this has on children as we navigate the ever-evolving landscape of social media.

Our society’s proclivity for oversharing on social media is still a controversial topic, with many embracing the ease and convenience that come with its contents and services, while others wave warning flags of its drawbacks. Most of us could see both sides of the coin to an extent, so I don’t think it’s particularly challenging to acknowledge the risks and pitfalls of putting young children on social media. Perhaps it’s harder to realize that some of adults’ usage of social media is unintentionally exposing kids to these dangers even earlier than the point at which the youngsters can take control of their own age-appropriate contact with social media. Many adults seem unaware of their own contribution to the dark side of social media for their children, and how they are bequeathing the negative impacts of these platforms onto future generations. It’s about time we became cognizant of how the involvement of children in our own social media usage wasn’t as harmless as it first seemed.

It’s a promising sign that, as social media expand and mutate to different forms, more and more users are also developing critical views and opinions of these sites. Keeping social media platforms accountable for the consequences they give rise to and being mindful of our own usage are key factors to maintaining a healthy and sane relationship with social media. At the same time, the presence of certain people who lack agency and awareness of these impacts needs to be registered in the discourse too. Our own children deserve their own social media experience that honors their privacy, security, and well-being. So let’s start with changing our current practices that put our children on social media, and perhaps we can slowly shift the culture of how we interact with these platforms as well.