Pretense and façade

Have you ever thought about how much time and energy humans exerted on the act of pretending? Perhaps if we seriously ask and study this question, we may arrive at a shocking answer that discreetly turns our existence into that of miserable fraudsters rather than decent, gratified human beings. My estimate is that most of us spend our lives pretending more than we like to think or could possibly be aware of. Sometimes, pretending and putting on a façade in one form or another could feel so natural because we have fused the lies into our own psyche and the mind embraces them as our reality. The act of pretending implies something disingenuous and unnatural, most likely requiring some effort to uphold. But society and our own circumstances seem to normalize pretending so much that sometimes it becomes an automated, almost effortless mechanism that we turn to because being honest and truthful simply hurts us more. So I got intrigued by this collective, universal phenomenon of pretending, and wondered how and why we even got here.

One thing for sure: we do not bother pretending to be “less than” by whatever definition of “less” or “inferior” in society. The intention of pretending almost always caters to heightening our position in a social context. We often put on a show, a mask, a veneer, to present ourselves in particular ways to others for a superior self-image. From the self-righteousness of the moralistic puritan to the empty posturing of the careerist bureaucrat, there are countless examples of human beings trying to present themselves as something they are not, or at least something they are not entirely. The forms may be different, sometimes at odds, but the intention remains faithfully geared towards whatever “better” and “more superior” look like in our value book. We want to be important, valuable, and worthy of respect – however our personal principles or the people in our circle dictate.

One of the most common forms of pretension is the desire and striving for social status and recognition. This can manifest in a multitude of ways, from the ostentatious displays of wealth and power by the ruling classes to the petty rivalries and jealousies of the middle classes. This can lead to all kinds of absurd and hypocritical behavior. People will dress up in expensive clothes they can’t afford, attend parties they don’t enjoy, and engage in endless small talk and social maneuvering, all in the pursuit of social status. And once they have achieved some measure of success, they will often cling to it tenaciously, defending their position and privileges with all the tools at their disposal.

Similarly, those who fall back on their moral principles for some self-worth and value have the urge to maintain their squeaky-clean commitment to a moral paragon even by putting others down for the smallest violation. The crusade for their moral ideals by making their own and others’ lives miserable under the unmatchable pressure of model, unspoiled, pristine behaviors. They are perpetually scared of stepping out of the thin path of proper actions, proper speech, proper attitudes; then they are angry and upset when they or others cannot uphold the strict ideals of morality that they arbitrarily placed on their existence.

One of the most probable explanations for all of this pretending is that it reflects deeper layers of anxiety and insecurity that human beings contain in them. The pursuit of social status or recognition in one way or another is to somewhat compensate for feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. By presenting oneself as powerful, successful, or virtuous, one can create the illusion of being in control of one’s life and destiny, and stave off feelings of anxiety and uncertainty. People often inflate certain images of themselves to showcase a level of status or privileges so that they can reassure themselves reality isn’t so stark, harsh, or unresolved. In an upward outlook, they try to enact a desirable reality in their mind to assuage the difficulty of actually dealing with their feelings of insecurity, anxiety, or hopelessness.

Another theory is that we pretend to be who we are not to affirm our identity and place in the world. Human beings are social creatures, and we derive much of our sense of self-worth and meaning from our connections to others. When we accentuate a part of ourselves and put a label to it, others who identify with the same trait are more likely to welcome us into their inner circle. Pretending to have a lot of one feature, whether it’s something material like wealth or physical fitness or something abstract like faith or moral ideals, allows the individual to feel more secure in their identity and sense of belonging. They become willing to sacrifice their own personal needs, interests, or beliefs in order to fit in with a particular group or social scene.

I find it ironic that we probably do more pretending than staying genuine in our lifetime, and that putting up a façade somehow comes more naturally to us. I have also noticed, however, that whenever we resort to some pretense to get a momentary boost of ego and self-satisfaction, we ultimately make it even more difficult to escape the insecurity and anxiety that trigger our duplicitous mechanism in the first place. We accidentally lend legitimacy to certain external expectations when we continuously subject ourselves through falsity to match them. The more pressure we feel to pretend and conform, the less likely we evade this pattern of behaviors. Having a bit of a façade and appropriate exhibition in public to not be a complete outcast has its perks, but before it consumes us in a never-ending cycle of fear, insecurity, and deceit, we can take a step back and realize where it’s taking us.